Really, really important! PLEASE READ

EDIT: Today my cat Viggo had to be put down. He was a beautiful cat, who I've owned for a decade. He's not the first cat I've had put down before, the last time it happened I was around 12 years old and I didn't have the same emotional capacity as I do now. I'm older and I get things more now.

At first I couldn't find him to take him to the vet. I'd been searching for him all day today, thus my absence. When cats are dying, they often search for somewhere where they can go and die peacefully. So when I couldn't find him, I was truly scared that he'd died somewhere and that maybe I would never find him. But when I did, I was so relieved. He was still alive, though he wasn't doing well, just as I'd already known.

My mum, brother and I took him down to the vet. We were able to be there for him in his final moments and we were able to say goodbye. It's so sad. I'm really going to miss him. He's a beautiful cat and he was like a nana towards my other cat Berly, always taking care of him. They were best friends and I know Berly's going to miss him, and that he won't understand where he's gone or why.

It's really sad. This is Viggo, by the way. May he rest in peace.


I feel like it's time I explained myself. TBH I had a plan of how I was going to go about this journal, but now that I've gotten to it that plan's kind of disappeared? I lost it somewhere, lmao. But um... I guess I'll write the following header as a warning:

What I'm going to talk about in this journal is important, but it may not please everybody. You're welcome to unwatch me for this, I'll understand. What I am going to discuss is a decision I've made that will do the best for my own personal happiness, not for others.

So with that above paragraph in mind, it's time I explain what's going on.

---

THE REAL LIFE STUFF + EMOTIONAL SHIT

On the 26th of November, I will be leaving New Zealand to go to Canada. Once I get there, I'll be really busy with settling into my new home in Invermere. And then I'll be busy settling into my new job at the Panorama Ski Resort. So much is going on there, which is going to mean I'll probably be more absent than I have been already.

I have a lot of mixed emotions to be honest. I know it's exciting and I should be more excited, but it's actually really stressful at the moment. It's a tough situation - I've never lived away from home, let alone in another country away from home. It's scary and I'm freaking out a bit. I'm going to miss home so much, I really am... but I have so many worries.

I'm going to be really busy and a lot is happening in terms of the Canada front. That in itself is a lot to handle, but that really isn't all that's on in my life.

My depression has been higher lately and it's been seeping into so many aspects of my life again. I feel cynical, miserable, stressed and just, gah. It doesn't help that I feel almost unappreciated and tossed aside by so many people lately? Not everybody obviously, but the distinct fear I've always had is getting stronger: the fear that I've been putting so much into friendships where I'm barely getting anything back. It's not a fear built from nothing. I've had friendships that I've put my heart and soul into only to end up betrayed, thrown aside and I feel like it's happening again. Maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve too much? I don't even know.

In any case, motivations are super low and it sucks. I haven't submitted proper art in ages and I hate that. I've been having a major major creativity block when it comes to drawing, which I dislike. Ew. I said it in a previous journal, but I really loathe my art at the moment. I can't really explain it, I just do. I think it's showing strongly too, but IDK. I know it's showing for myself.

---

PEOPLE I OWE ART TO

To and , I'm sorry but I'm going to have to drop the commissions. You haven't paid me at least, so I hope those points will go to something greater.

To my art trade people, here's the usernames:














I'm afraid that with the trades where neither of us have started, the best decision I think would be to drop the trade. I'm not in the best of states to do the art trade catch-up. If you have started yours, please tell me in this journal RIGHT NOW.

Because to anyone who has either done their part or have made a good start on theirs, I will do my half for you, I swear.

So I will definitely finish the trades with Kimanda, voimakas, NeeHima, Pinkalala and kamillyanna - but as far as I know, the others haven't started/probably forgot lmao - so let's consider this dropped? I'm so sorry.

Also , I don't think I'll be able to get around to doing the kiriban unless the motivation truly strikes me.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME GUYS, PLEASE! ;___;

----

More importantly, is this announcement here.

I have decided to stop drawing for fandoms. This could be temporary, it may not. Unless it's an art trade as mentioned above, or me colouring a lineart/sketch done for me, I'm not going to draw for fandoms anymore. I'm done with it. So yeah, I'm out. I'm not dropping out of fandoms though, let me emphasize that please!!

I will still:

- write for doujinshis (like 'Elixir' and 'Forget Me Not')
- managing these groups , ,
- update Hetalia OC bios
- colour sketches/linearts
- do art trades

----

But what does this mean for 'Elementary'?

I haven't lost a muse for , really. Writing for it should come naturally as ever, but I just don't have motivation to draw it. This doujinshi will be discontinued if I can't find an artist to continue for me. This artist has to be willing to do coloured pages, and to get all the spoilers for the story and update as regularly as possible. I can continue writing for it, but I don't think I'll be able to draw for it anymore.

So the story is really on the line if I can't get someone to help me. And I know it's going to disappoint a lot of people and I hate that... but it's how it's gotta be. I'm so sorry.

If I can get an artist, I would still like to post pages on this account and essentially pick up where I've currently left off. Yup.

----

What is the Mel going to work on now then?

'The New Reality'! In terms of artwork, I'm going to try and revive it through this project of mine. I've decided I want to write a novel, but I do want to draw out the characters and all this stuff for it. If I can get a keen illustrator behind me, we might really be able to make something that sells! But eh, I won't get too optimistic just yet.

----

What is 'The New Reality'?

biatch, check out this journal:
The New Reality [COUNTRIES COMPLETE + NEW SECTION]

I've settled on 'The New Reality' as a title. I feel like this project will work better as a series, so 'The New Reality' will be the main title, but I guess I'll make subtitles for each 'volume' or whatever? Ahaha--
***


PLOT SUMMARY
This is a story that belongs to this world, set in 2025 in which technology is now much more advanced. During his summer vacation in America, Xavier Tosell suddenly winds up in a completely different world with 12 other people he's never met before. This new world, known as 'The Mystic', is a world made up of a wide archipelago with different races, cultures, creatures and so much more. The 13 teenagers/young adults (ages ranging from 16-23) find themselves with a major quest set before them, with the idea that if they fulfill this quest they will be able to return to their home world.
Of course, with a group who are strangers to one another with a diverse m

it's my original story. I hope to get support! Especially since I posted that recent poll that I'm not 100% sure people answered truthfully... //suspicious look

In any case, I want to get my writing mojo back on and flesh out a whole world of my own! It's fun creating my own characters and storyline again, I missed thinking about originals. And I think this is the best path for me to take. I hope people are keen to follow me with this??

----

btw...



AHEM. GO AND FOLLOW THIS DOUJINSHI KTHANXBAI

----

Anyway, that's the long story short. If you aren't keen on non-fandom stuff popping up, you are welcome to unwatch me. If I can get a new artist for 'Elementary', that will continue. Otherwise, thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for the disappointing news.