Once upon a time, Juan met Lovino in the meadow.
"I don't know how to tell you this," Juan began nervously, "but I've felt it from the moment I first laid eyes on you…"
"What the fuck?" Lovino asked, confused about the current predicaments of this fanfiction.
"…I heard a lot of good things about you from Antonio, you know? So I had a feeling you were the right guy…" Juan continued, toeing at the grass awkwardly. Oh man, he really had no idea how he was going to ask this. How would Lovino react?
"Wait," Lovino held up a hand to indicate Juan to stop talking. "Antonio's been talking to you about me?"
"Mm," Juan nodded. "He said lots of things… like how you're really adorable, how you have a foul mouth, how your curl sets off some sort of moan reaction, how you turn into a tomato when you're embarrassed…"
Lovino turned tomato red as if on cue. "That bastard, how could he—"
"L-Lovino, spare those details for a moment," Juan requested, his cheeks turning pink. Oh god, Lovino's definitely going to turn him down, he's all irritated!
Lovino studied the Filipino for a moment. He was acting like some sort of teenage girl working out how to confess to a boy… wait. What. That couldn't possibly mean… no, Juan couldn't seriously be confessing to him..!
"Uh… Juan..?" Lovino was now the one to sound nervous. "What do you want..?"
"Um..!" Juan flustered to think of a way to word this. "Um… I… I heard that you were a pretty cool guy..! So I was wondering if you would like to-"
"No homo, no homo, no homo—"
"—make some puto with me."
Juan grinned back at him. "Puto! I heard you were a great chef, so I thought you'd like to make some puto with me!"
Lovino scowled. "Oi oi oi! Antonio told me what that shitty word meant! There's no way I'm going there, you fucktard! Nah-uh!" And with that, he stormed off.
Maricela came over and patted Juan on the shoulder. "Someday, kuya. Someday."
One day, Maricela and Lovino were standing in a meadow together.
'Why do I keep ending up on meadows?' Lovino thought to himself, while Maricela stood there smiling for goodness knows how long.
"I was wondering if you were free this weekend!" she chirped, looking at him curiously.
Lovino eyed her up and down. Well, a cute girl wants to know if he's free! Fuck yes! He shot her his best charming smile. "I most certainly am. Was there something you wanted to do together, bella?"
Maricela blinked. "Um, it's Maricela, not bella." It seems this girl wasn't taught her Italian. "Yes, there was… can you meet somewhere?"
"Si, Maricela," Lovino responded, attempting his sexiest Italian accent possible. "Name your time and place, I'll be there."
"Ooh!" she beamed. "In that case, how about my place on Saturday, 11am?"
Lovino rose an eyebrow. She was inviting him to her place? Finally! He could score with an adorable girl! "I'll be there."
"Great!" she clapped her hands together. "I'll go tell Kuya Juan that you're coming over to make puto with him this weekend!" And with that, she skipped off happily.
Lovino stared after her in disbelief. "………………………………………………the fuck."
One day, Lovino was on a meadow with Maricela and Juan.
"Right," Maricela began, "Let's get started! Time for Puto Making with Kuya Juan and Lo-"
"No," Lovino spoke, "I'm not doing this. For the last time, I'm not making puto with Juan!"
Maricela pouted. "But we worked so hard to gather the ingredients! It was going to be lots of fun..! I didn't realise it was going to make trouble for you…"
Lovino felt guilty seeing the teary girl's face. Maybe he will give in and make puto, just to make her smile again. But then he saw Juan's face. And man, did that Filipino boy's grin make him feel uneasy. And it reminded him.
"I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM THE BASTARD PUTO..!!"
Lovino glared at them both and set fire to the meadows. He watched as the grass got covered in the flames. It burnt the poor Filipino siblings and their poor ingredients. Lovino let out a maniacal laughter. It was over, all over. He would no longer be tricked into making that stupid puto, whatever it was!
"I… I've won!" Lovino declared. He jumped about for joy and then he accidentally tripped over, slamming down face first. This caused a jolt through his body, causing him to wake up.
He woke up to find himself in a meadow with Maricela and Juan…
"Right!" Maricela began, "Let's get started! Time for Puto Making with Kuya Juan and Lovino!"
There was just no escaping this…